Last night while i'm doing my beads work, R****'s brother gave a call to my dad to enquire on our status. After they having some chit chatting, both of us are advised to meet up, sit down to have a calm heart-to-heart conversation and settle off our conflict eyes-to-eyes. The best part is, I heard they said, "kalau boleh janganlah..". What the the?! Plus, d decision need to be made before this Sunday! Owh my God, I'm stressed!
Tuhan..what should I do?! Do I really need to see him, just for the sake of fulfilling parent's hope and wash away my own feelings?! Tidak! Sy tidak mahu istilah simpati itu berlaku lagi di sini.. But then..what if sy kalah?! Kalah dgn kelemahan sy yg satu itu? Harapan papa serta riak wajahnya yg sayu.. Sungguh sy tak sanggup! :'(
What ever it is, I still need to settle this once and for all! Kalau tak, sampai bila nak tergantung. Betul tak? Secara lafaz, betul..it's over. Tapi secara adat? Entah la. Doa dan tawakal je yg bisa menjadi kekuatan sy sekarang. Apapun kata putus kami nanti, sy redha. I'll take it as d best decision decided by Allah for me. Rahsia Allah itu maha luas and I believe in it! Kadang rasa, almost give up.. Tapi bila muhasabah balik, mungkin ini benar utk sy:
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia baik bagi kamu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu suka kepada sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagi kamu. Allah jualah yang mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahuinya." ~(al-Baqarah: 216)
It's true..there's no use for u to wait for something which is actually nothing. Empty recitation doesn't mean anything. So, forget about it! Wish me luck everyone. Annual leave taken and I'm gonna meet him this Thursday! Will update later. InsyaAllah.
beb, jadi apakah yang telah terjadi?? aku tak update quite some time. bz laa
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